What would Friday be if it weren't a Celeb Death Match between Pierogi Hilton (all the fat and twice the dumb) and one of his much-ragged-on celebs.

You can thank me up until now. The hardest you've had to think so far was the poll of Pierogi vs. Brooke Hogan. Poor Pierogi lost to the Hulk Hogan's tranny daughter 99% to 1% and I'm sure the 1% was him trying to save face.

This week is tough: you've seen her pics all over the blogs. Lindsay Lohan's faking lez like so many desperate, starved-for-attention girls before her. Who's the other womyn? The very unattractive SaMANtha Ronson. (I'm sorry, but I cannot tell a lie.)

She's not a pretty girl. Not sure if this public knowledge, but the hot lesbians look like ugly boys. It's weird. Nobody can explain it. We just accept it, kinda like telenovelas: they're brash and vulgar, but the latins love them. So be it.

This week's poll: who would you rather have as your scissor sister? SaMANtha Ronson or Pierogi Hilton? (Ugh. Two gay bottle blondes. It's like having to decide between a liverwurst sandwich or potted meat for lunch. Decisions, Decisions.)